Do I turn my back on my marriage of 22 years or stick it out. He suffers from depression and has done for 6yrs?
Posted by: Alan in Sleep Apnea Treatment, tags: 6yrs, Back, Depression, Done, From, marriage, out., stick, suffers, turn, YearsQuestion by Karen: Do I turn my back on my marriage of 22 years or stick it out. He suffers from depression and has done for 6yrs?
The question may seem harsh, but the reality is I am not happy. My husband has always been very deep, and never really opened up in all the years we have been together, I suppose it was that air of mystery that attracted me to him first. Over the years we have gone through good and bad, but for the past 6 years I can see little good times had. His depression first happened 15 yrs ago, but it soon passed, this time it has stayed, he drinks regularly, something I have asked him to cut back on or stop, but he refuses, even though for our 3 children it is not a good example. He started smoking at 43. I am 44 he is 45. I have smoked on and off all my life, he hated it, but now smokes more than me. Apart from the cost it is not good for him, or I. He also suffers from severe Sleep Apnea. This is not helped with him being overweight, smoking and drinking. Again I have asked him to loose weight, but he blames his medication for alot of what has happened. He is a shift worker, and has to get up at 5.00 am. He therefore goes to bed around 7.30 – 8.30 at night. We therefore do not go to bed together most nights, and our sex life is virtually non existent. He used to in the early years of our marriage be the one that wanted sex, 3 or 4 times a week. He now does not seem interested at all? We very raley kiss, or cuddle anymore. We are like two people living together but miles apart. He knows how I feel, as I have said that if things do not improve I do not want to carry on living like this, and tough decisions will have to made about our marriage. Nothing seems to change though. He says that I am too controlling, but I have had to carry him, and look after the welfare of our 3 children 19,14 & 12 for the past 6 years, I have felt like a single parent for most of that time. Others tell me to walk away or throw him out. We have been to councelling a couple of times but nothing changes, as we do not put into practice what we have been told. He is regularly seen by a phyciatrist and his medication is constant, without it his mood would alter. I know it takes two to work at a marriage, god knows I have over the years, but there comes a point when decisions have to be made, we are all a long time dead, and I do not want to waste anymore time waiting for something to change. I love my husband, but feel no connection at present, very lonley, and thinking about having an affair. What should I do?
Something I forgot to mention, my husband has always had a dark side to him, something I knew about before we married, he used to chat on internet chat sites, phone chat, or chat box tv. All made me feel upset. why prefer to chat to a stranger, rather than your own wife. For many years on and off I would find txt messages etc from women who thought they were talking to a single bloke. I have recently been receiving emails from young russian ladies wanting a english husband. I managed to contact one of them, and explained that my husbands email address was sold to them by an agency. How did it get there unless he has searched for them?
I love my children very much, I would not want to do anything to hurt them, that is why I have forgiven or turned a blind eye to the above absurd behaviour. But in doing so, am I damaging them more? I understand that no child wants their mum or dad to part, but living in a hostile unhappy home surely in worse, than a single home full of love and
I am reading with interest all your thoughts. When we sit down and talk it just gets messy and tempers flare. I don’t think either of us want it to be over, we have known each other since we were 18. So young, and he was all that I ever wanted. Hurts so much to think the man I loved, doesn’t resemble the man he is know. I have changed too, I very rarely laugh anymore my kids see it, and tell me sort it out, they worry I worry. Just really lost of what to do, and how to get through to him that we are at the end of the line.
Just to answer the comment, that I am not supportive of his depression? I have done all in my power to support him, even at the point when he was about to loose his job over the amount of time he was off sick. I fought tooth and nail to support him, and eventually he was given his job back. Where is his fight to show his love for me, and respect the strong women that I am? Or does he perceive I am just a doormat, who he is able to do anything too, without me reacting? Depression/alcohol abuse is destructive. His mum suffers from depression too, and was a heavy drinker, until I confronted her with a few home truths, this let her to seek help, she no longer drinks, and is a better person for it. I know it sounds big headed, but I saved his mother from destruction, surely my husband should respect me more not less. You only allow others to treat you in a way that allow, by putting your foot down you show respect for yourself. Is that not true. I am very angry most of the time, w
To be clear, my husband does suffer from Clinical depression, yes he is on constant, if not life-long medication, and yes I am aware of my marriage vows, for better or for worse. If you have never suffered, or lived with someone with depression, then you can only scratch the surface of what this illness does to a relationship. I understand how difficult it is for my husband at times, but it is also difficult for me and his children too, what about their relationship with their dad, and their memories of growing up, I can’t sit and do nothing, but he has to realize no one can help him get better until he decides he wants to do something. Also in your comment of smoking, I have given up smoking before, but he says its my choice and carries on regardless, even after our daughter cried and said she did not want daddy to die, he just dismissed her concerns and carried on.
Best answer:
Answer by Ryan
As a 16 year old that would be the last thing I wanted my Parents to do
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