His obesity is ruining our relationship!?
Posted by: Alan in Obstructive Sleep Apnea, tags: Obesity, Relationship, RuiningQuestion by skye skye: His obesity is ruining our relationship!?
I’m at wits end here. I do love my fiance, but his weight is ruining everything. He has gained 60lbs over the past two years and just keeps gaining more. I think is ridiculous – but it happens. Problem is, he won’t do anything about it. And just to put out there, no he hasn’t gained weight due to any underlying medical issues. He’s simply gained weight due to not leading a healthy lifestyle. (which he lead when we met) In fact, his weight gain is actually CAUSING medical problems. He was a little chubby when I met him – so this 60 lb. weight gain has him tipping the scales of being moderately obese. (according to his doctor) His obesity has caused him to get obstructive sleep apnea, as well as high blood pressure & low testosterone levels. (not sure if the low testosterone levels are specifically caused by him being obese – but the doctor says that weight loss might bring his levels back around normal)Now we are currently waiting to see if he has fertility issues due to the low testosterone levels. To me that is just the icing on the cake. My biggest goal & desire in life is to be a mother. And now I feel like his obesity is starting to invade in our relationship. I’ve just gotten to the point that I’m over him being fat and I’m getting to the point that I’m over him. Him being fat has ruined our relationship! We can no longer go to the beach because he feels self conscious, we’ve had to start buying more food because he eats so much, and not to mention is has completely destroyed our sex life. His low testosterone level has made him uninterested in sex – as well as my sexual advances. In a way I’m happy about this because the thought of him crushing me during sex or having to grab onto his fat rolls simply disgusts me. I’m not claiming to be perfect, so do not take this as me just bashing him. But to get it out there – yes I am in shape, and yes I lead a healthy lifestyle. I have tried everything to get him to follow suit, to no avail. He refuses to go to the gym because he feels like “people are staring at him”, he refuses to walk or jog because it’s too hot outside (we live in FL), he refuses to diet because he says he doesn’t want to be starving all the time, & he won’t go see a nutritionist or dietician because he claimes he works too much to fit it into his schedule. His doctor has given him a CPAP machine to help with his sleep apnea, which he does not use – because “it’s annoying”. And he has refused any help from the doctor in referring him to weight loss programs or the like again to his “busy work schedule”. Simply put – he refuses to do anything about his weight, but expects everyone just to deal with him being fat. I have tried the whole “we can exercise” and “we can diet” – which hasn’t worked one bit. I have tried not bringing junk in the house, he just goes and buys it himself. I have tried everything, nothing has worked. His sleep apnea has caused us to sleep in seperate rooms (due to me not sleeping well next to his snoring), we have no sex life (it has literally been over 4 months), and our electric bill & grocery bill has gone up due to him always being “hot” and eating too much. Our relationship has dwindled… I love him, but I’m ready to give up. Has anyone been through this or have any advice? (serious only) Just to add, we are not married and have no kids.
**And I do agree that if a woman does this same thing she is just as guilty. Anyone (man or woman) who becomes this unhealthy and overweight due to pure laziness is wrong. Those who have valid medical causes (ie thyroid, being pregnant, etc) have some room to stand on. But they’re ailment definitely shouldn’t become a crutch or excuse to continue to be unhealthy.
Before people jump my case for being a cold hearted b*tch. I do love him, if I didn’t I wouldn’t have tried in the first place. I would have left him at the first signs of weight gain. To say that I’ve never loved him or even that I despise him (as one person so kindly put) is ludicrous. What I despise is the fact that he shows a lack of concern for our relationship – and our future. I despise the fact that he’d rather cram a ho-ho down his throat and play video games than do something to make himself healthier. And I despise the fact that there is nothing else I can do. Which is why I’m asking for advice – not insults.
Best answer:
Answer by Sue B
blah, blah blah………….then don’t marry him
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